Sarcasm Quotes - Page 3

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.

How 'bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail.

You're stubborn- anyone ever tell you that before?

All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.

I'm so honest, that in order to compliment you, I'd improve you first.

By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it.

The theory of attachment is same for humans and computers.
Unknown sender's attachment is blocked..
Known sender's attachment is accepted or ignored..
Heavy attachments are annoying..
Too heavy attachments do not reach..
No attachment is the best option!

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

Hey,” he said.
“Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.
“What’re you doing?”
“Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.”
He paused. “You’re joking, right?”
“Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?"
"If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

The doctor seemed especially troubled by the fact of the robbery having been unexpected, and attempted in the night-time; as if it were the established custom of gentlemen in the housebreaking way to transact business at noon, and to make an appointment, by the twopenny post, a day or two previous.

Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise.

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?

I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.

Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?"
"Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths."
"Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.