Men who read a lot have a more sensitive disposition, added Fowler. [...]
I did not know what to say to this.
Maybe reading is a sort of curse is all I mean, concluded Fowler. Maybe it's better for a man to stay inside his own mind.
Amen, I felt like saying, although I do not know why.
There was this constant urge in me to tear my insides apart,
I didn't know why. By the time I made my mind that it was impossible for me
to do, there alighted the fear, haunting me with the words that rang
constantly in my head, "You're not brave enough".
I didn't feel devastated, I felt the urge to be devastated.
What they have been teaching us is wrong. Yes, we do have control over our choices. Why? Because life gave us the freedom to choose. The only downside to this freedom are the insatiable consequences we shall have to face because of the choices we learned to embrace.
Melancholy is an escape not from reality, but unreality of the world.
Because memories fall apart, too.
And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow. In the beginning she haunted me, haunted my dreams, but even now, just weeks later, she was slipping away, falling apart in my memory and everyone else's, dying again.
I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.
Only tears can hear the sound of pain
when warm blood reddens discolored stain
I'd like to die listening to a piece of music. I imagine this as so easy, so natural, but naturally it's quite impossible. Notes stab too softly. The wounds they leave behind may smart, but they don't fester. Melancholy and pain trickle out instead of blood. When the notes cease, all is peaceful within me again.