Humour Quotes - Page 2

Please, touch me, I pray.

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before-and thus was the Empire forged.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?

Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there's nothing quite like it. I feel sorry for those who don't know the trick. It's like whistling or singing.

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.

When I touched her body,
I believed she was God.
In the curves of her form
I found the birth of Man,
the creation of the world,
and the origin of all life.

I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.

When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.

Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.
Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”
Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it.

Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly.

Kurt pick his way around testing for heat before taking each step and avoiding places where the ash was heaps up.

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

Maruman does not loll.

The lot of the bride
to be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten.

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.