Humour Quotes - Page 18

Dating someone exclusively for four months in New York is like four years in Anchorage.

The male tax?”

“Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world… Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab.

Someone will complete you some day and that day will never be late. Those nouns and verbs are above wonderful and never ending .

I stroke a finger over my own top button, undo it, then let my hand drop with an exaggerated sigh. "It's not quite the same," I declare, "ripping my own clothes off.

I catch sight of Janice. Her eyes are so full of excitement that I half expect her to jump up and down. This is something she'll never forget, I tell myself. As an old lady with all the spirit knocked out of her and nobody believe in she'll remember a happy day in July when a horny young guy strutted his stuff and made her heart beat fast.

They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.

Sure, at some level scientists know nanobots will destroy mankind. They just can't resist seeing how it happens.

Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.

Deux choses sont infinies : l’Univers et la bêtise humaine. Mais, en ce qui concerne l’Univers, je n’en ai pas encore acquis la certitude absolue.

I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough!

All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missing - and he won't be missed either.

......

when you step on fire no matter how far you ran your feet will still burn

How can one look happy when he is contemplating the anomolous Zeeman effect? (Wolfgang Pauli)

Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?'
'Er...yes.'
'But he's not actually thinking?'
'Er...no.'
'So...he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show?'
'Er...yes.'
Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero.

Whilst it may be our species greatest achievement, responsible for every technological advance we have or ever will make, science is also poop and sex and boogers.

we all have dream cars,dream houses and jobs but as soon as we stop dreaming we wake up go take a pee. the world is waiting out here don't just dream,make it a dream.

Age is only a number. Keep an active life.