Humour Quotes - Page 13

In a dry and thirsty land, my soul thirsts for the living God, the living water.

Women are almost two thirds more likely than men to believe in God, a major study of attitudes among middle aged Britons has found, says The Telegraph.
Well, men are twice more likely than God to believe in women! (At least that was so in the Garden of Eden)

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

Pops added,"you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve."
"And if you do, you never get the results you expected," (Katherine) replied.

Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.

Mr. Vey, you cannot be stuffed into a locker without your consent." Dallstrom said, which may be the dumbest thing ever said in a school. "You should have resisted. That's like blaming someone who was struck by lightning for getting in the way.

What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that...

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.