Humour Quotes - Page 12

Excuse me,” she said, her voice tight. “But if I’d known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it!

She’d never known a man whose initial move was to undress the woman he wanted.

You can’t possibly be afraid of trees.

I am not sleeping with you."
"We could probably manage it, though. Without getting too involved."
"No," she said.
"But why? I mean, if we're trusted friends? And it doesn't interfere with our responsibilities?"
"Did that line ever actually work for you?"
"I can't remember. But it probably did-it's brilliant.

Maybe we could, um, go sit in the truck?" he said, but even as he said it, it sounded so dumb. And not exactly the way he wanted her to remember a marriage proposal.

Tom, how many children do you think I have to have before I figure out you get them by having sex?"
"Of course there would be protection," he offered.
"Tons of it.

Tom. Tom, look at me. Has Nora agreed to marry you?"
"No, but she will because she has to.

I like you in green,’ he said. ‘You look as if you’re a very beautiful imp.’


Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.

Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships.

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

..the nuclear family from across the street, which, as a result of decay, truly did have 2.5 kids;

Dying's a fearful popular activity these days so we often double 'em up.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls, with a council and a works committee and an ethics panel, and I'll feel right at home.

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man

Der Papst ist der einzige Konzern-Vize, der seinen Chef nie zu sehen bekommt. Nicht einmal bei der Weihnachtsfeier.