Humorous Quotes - Page 11

Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.

It's all your fault, Mother,' said Larry austerely; 'you shouldn't have brought us up to be so selfish.' 'I like that!' exclaimed Mother. 'I never did anything of the sort!' 'Well, we didn't get as selfish as this without some guidance,' said Larry.

Like every other good thing in this
world, leisure and culture have to be paid for. Fortunately, however,
it is not the leisured and the cultured who have to pay. Let us be
duly thankful for that, my dear Denis-duly thankful.

I’ve become remarkably good at blocking impossibly bizarre happenings from my consciousness. Denial can be a beautiful thing.

Many great people had been considered to be boring, like Nigel Mansell, but anyone who had read the racing driver’s autobiography, "Clutch Down, Dick Out", would know that perception was way off the mark.

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.

Are you in any pain? (Ariana Skyee)
Only my heart. (Cal Remus)

He says he'd like to kiss the ground you walk on-reminds me, did you wash them yesterday?- and after that you're his skivvy.

He will work off his crudities in time. I rather mistrust young men who slip into life gracefully.

Oh, you know what bloggers are like, they write and write and write. I don't know why, because they're not being paid.

First we crawl. Later we crawl on broken glass.

It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [...] So your mom thinks we're ma- Uh, dating?

Oh, hell. You're a fairy," I said.

"Yeah," he said. "You know, they call it 'being gay' nowadays, but sure, whatever.