Humorous Quotes - Page 10

Closed head trauma is about as much fun as nude paintballing.

I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef or boobish owner.

When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.

what you know
and don’t deny that
you don’t know
and knowing this
you know
what and why
you don’t know.
Right?

East or West, Home is Best
North or South, Hand to Mouth

Don’t tell me you have OCD about this?”
“OCD, ADHD - pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have it.

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it.

...but once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be blockheads

Love is the reflection of a broken heart in a shattered mirror...

You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none.

Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple does on their honeymoon.

He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly."

The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face.

Family, can’t live with them, can’t orbitally bombard them back to the foul, oozing proto-plasma they crawled out of, I thought grimly.

Family we cannot always choose, but it sure is fun to try and make them laugh during dinners. Especially when they are trying to eat their soup.

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.

But if we do not dream, then I think perhaps we are misusing our heads. They are not on our shoulders only to be farms for hair.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for 45 minutes.

He had a bright, reckless tenor that was always wandering off, looking for notes in the wrong places.

There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.