Humor Quotes - Page 9

How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.

I guess the sacrifice of my dignity is the only thing that will save us now. The things I endure for love. The Fates laugh at my torment.

I never understood how men could remember all those details about sports but, yet, were incapable of remembering where they set their car keys or wallet.

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation.

A girl can still admire, can’t she? Even those who can’t afford to go in the store can still window-shop. Right? Knowing he wasn’t for me didn’t mean I couldn’t covet the merchandise.

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

A perfect person is easy to love. But when somebody likes all your imperfections, well, that's when you know they really mean it.

I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted
most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.

The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.

My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.

I can chase you, and I can catch you,
but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

Falling in love is painful on the knees.

The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.

To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.

But you can't stay with people because of guilt. Or because they can drive a speedboat.

Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.