Humor Quotes - Page 5

I've had great success being a total idiot.

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.

I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.