Humor Quotes - Page 4

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

So much good, so much evil. Just add water.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.