Humor Quotes - Page 20

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.

My name is Percy Jackson.
I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.

A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh.

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.

You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.

I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!

No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.

So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

The idea of being strong for someone else having never entered their heads, I find myself in the position of having to console them. Since I'm the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.