Humor Quotes - Page 2

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Some people have lives; some people have music.

Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.