Humor Quotes - Page 15

It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.

You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

People, generally, suck.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.