Humor Quotes - Page 14

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.

I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.

The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.