Humor Quotes - Page 10

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.

Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer