Humor Quotes

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.

Oh no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

I love you and it's getting worse.

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

So many books, so little time.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.

Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.