I fantasize the night sky to be like a cosmic blue print of my life as I close my eyes and unbutton my heart…. just in case anyone up there is listening.
Life, Love
Something, somewhere, knows what’s best for me and promises to keep sending me people and experiences to light my way as long as I live in gratitude and keep paying attention to the signs.
I’ve grown up defined by this desperate, undeniable, ‘can’t breathe’ kind of space inside of myself and I’m afraid that the diagnosis is fatal.
I met a boy whose eyes showed me that the past, present and future were all the same thing.
Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.
I’ve always seen this in you, ever since you were a little girl - this hunger to love other people into their highest selves and it’s what has made me irreversibly and just so forever in love with you.
Stop trying to be less of who you are. Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back.
I feel a resurgence of my 6-year-old self… that little warrior, goddess of a girl reminding me of who I was when I was little, before the world got its hands on me.
I’m going to follow this invisible red thread until I find myself again… until I finally figure out… who I’m meant to be.
I know that this process of ‘me changing my life’ doesn’t just end once I set fire to this list of things I hate about myself. Tonight isn’t as much of a new beginning as it is a violent end and I know the real work hasn’t even started yet.
Everything hurts right now and nothing is helping because as the pain is getting worse - so is the love.
Life, Love, Hurt
I just want your voice aimed at me again. I want to absorb the direction of your eyes…
I love him in ways that I can’t explain to other people. They don’t understand… it’s not their fault.
If ever I was running, it was towards you.
I really believe that there is an invisible red thread tied between him and me, and that it has stretched and tangled for years - across oceans and lifetimes. I know that it won’t break because our souls are tied.
I want you to trust yourself, baby. Love is all that matters and you’ve always known that. You’ve known, since you were a very little girl, what your life is meant to be about…
I know that your soul is on life support and that you feel lost and like you’re completely spinning out of control, but you’re finding yourself - here, tonight… even in this darkness.
Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back. I’m going to help you forgive the things that you won’t let yourself forget.
Each time that I have felt like I might finally be figuring some things out, life has decided to change the rules and I’ve had to start all over again.
Hope, Healing
Hope, in anything but myself, is just way too dangerous right now…
Life, Hope