Funny Quotes - Page 6

Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...

Life is like butter - when things cool down it can be reshaped

I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it

They call me Domino for obvious reasons. One nudge in the right direction and I'm flat on my stomach.

Two things u just can't control life and virginity ❤ ❤

There’s a saying, isn’t there, that when you’ve had a near death experience, all you want to do is have sex?

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.

Nice guys finish last but that's what makes them good in bed.

It gets worse. Josh tell her that he loves her. She says it back. He touches her. She touches him back. And then they're losing their virginity on the floor of her bedroom beside her pet rabbit, Isis.
A rabbit.
Josh literally lost his virginity in front of a metaphor for sex.

My only relationship policy is, don’t bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don’t let it affect your work.

A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers.

A man's love for a woman is not defined by his availability in bed, but by every ingredient he adds to improve the taste of the relationship.

Seriously, it's like watching mild porn, watching you two eye fuck each other every two seconds.

I sure wasn't going to ask Aunt Sally, because if she told me once that getting your period was like a moth becoming a butterfly, she'd probably say that sexual intercourse was like a deer getting antlers or something.

You know, sex at seventy-six is getting very dangerous for my health ... since I live at seventy-nine!

Ben hid a wince behind his hand, trying very hard not to think of seventy-year-old Ellie Verstgard rolling around with Mr. Wenner. Despite his best resistance, the image scrolled across his brain and took some of his love for the world with it.

I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me.

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life.

Elise hid her face in his shoulder, embarassed, "Kane! What will they think?" She whispered against his neck.
"That we're newly bonded and I can't keep my hands off of my lovely mate." And sure enough, the good natured calls that accompanied them across the yard left her in no doubt that the others were thinking exactly that.