Funny Quotes - Page 18

If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.

When mice run, cats give chase.

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.

Is there any good news?' Tesla said.
Who ever promised that? Who ever said there'd be good news?

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty.

To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

A true friend doesn't have guts; they beat you up and later plead with you to beat them back.

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time.

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18!
Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already?
~SHEESH~

All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.

It would actually constitute more than a miracle, he realised. It would take divine intervention plus luck, plus some unknown element of cosmic wizardry.