Funny Quotes - Page 17

You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab.

"Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Normal" is just a setting on your dryer.

Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.

There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets.

Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders.

You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.

*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.

Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said.
"You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin.
She's interesting when she's forthright."
Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps.

Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.