Funny Quotes - Page 12

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

It’s possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it?

Using love as a bait and replacing respect with ego-pampering makes you a skillful social animal; unfortunately, all kinds of animals are less evolved than human beings. Would you like to evolve?

The people who know you well are the people who know your vulnerabilities.

The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate love of babies, but the truth is, they kind of remind me of zombies. They stumble around, arms out, moaning. And if they get a hold of you, they suck the energy out of you.

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.

Others wonder, if the Bogey isn’t wearing his pants, who is?

Personally I think there is no doubt that sub-atomic energy is available all around us, and that one day man will release and control its almost infinite power. We cannot prevent him from doing so and can only hope that he will not use it exclusively in blowing up his next door neighbour. (1936)

It's called the Infinity Effect.

How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?

That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking, what's your vice and what brand of trouble does it lead to?

Am Anfang war Gott? It may have been true, but it was not germane.

Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.

My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I'm about to kick the shit out of life.

The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously.

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!


Depressed beyond what I'd previously thought possible, I stripped, showered, and slipped on a fresh pair of jeans and a tee shirt and headed for my mom's, trying to figure out why a bank would charge twenty dollars for insufficient funds when they know you don't have it.

I was never afraid of anything in the world except the dentist.

I decided that life rationally considered seemed pointless and futile, but it is still interesting in a variety of ways, including the study of science. So why not carry on, following the path of scientific hedonism? Besides, I did not have the courage for the more rational procedure of suicide.

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover!