Funny Quotes

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked.

I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that a few air holes would be nice now that it's spring. I put it on and feel like a cranberry in the snow, and I wonder if they can see me from the moon. Me and the Great Wall.

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back.

Apart from the economic value, money does have high moral value.

I laugh because your pain is amusing.

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

Life is so funny sometimes that you just have to laugh.

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.

Good things come to those who wait.

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement