Funny And Random Quotes - Page 2

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?
-About 20 pounds.
-Yo mama carries more passengers.
-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist !

Clouds are high flying Fog

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible.

I think I'm supposed to "take a sad song and make it better," but that's beyond my musical ability