It's not about saying your sorry, or expecting me to forgive you. It's about showing love and respect to the people in your life each day you get to breathe. It's about taking responsibility for your decisions, honoring your commitments, and not fucking up in the first place.
I'll follow you, even to death - but I won't live with you any more.
Suffering sucks. Don't do it. Go home and love your wife. Go home and love yourself. Go home
and base your happiness on one thing and one thing only: freedom. Choose freedom, not suffering. Create a life of freedom, not wanting. Have some really good coffee and listen to the red-winged blackbirds in the marsh. Ignore the mosquitoes.
You need to make effort and commit time to do what you love.