Woody Allen Quotes - Page 2

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I read in self-defense.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of eighty is left in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens.

In order to be a writer, "Maugham continues: "one must take chances and not be afraid to look foolish. I wrote The Razor's Edge while wearing a paper hat….