Spike Milligan Quotes

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee.
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it

The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.

R.I.P.
Tom Conlon O'Rourke.
Not Dead, just Sleeping.

With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable.

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?'
'Yes."
'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.