Mark Twain Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.