Lewis Black Quotes

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.