If women were totally satisfied with their sexual and lovemaking experiences, women would welcome the lovemaking experience as much as men.
BDSM is not liberating nor does it promote equality between men and women.
In most cases, our thoughts about experiences that have happened to us cause greater grief than the events themselves. Understanding it may be difficult and require some effort, but remind yourself as often as you need to, that past and future exist only as stories in our minds.