Howard Tayler Quotes

Technically, you don't pay me.
And technically, most of what I do is "think."

I...rrr. ummm.

And when you get right down to it, I'm better at it than you are.
-Ennesby & Captain Tagon

Maxim 3:
An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Where's your sense of adventure?

It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi.
-Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn

Maxim 29:
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.

Maxim 37:
There is no "overkill".
There is only "open fire" and "time to reload".

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Right now I've got just two rules to live by.

Rule one: don't taunt elephants.
Rule two: don't stand next to anybody who taunts elephants.

-Sergeant Schlock

Maxim 11:
Everything is air-droppable at least once.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Spy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.

The Tausennigan Ob'enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears?"

"Yes, they do, and they'd cheerfully exterminate your entire race for making that observation!"

"I guess that explains their rich military history, then.

Maxim 8:
Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Oh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.

Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.

Munitions Commander? Why me?

I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part.
-Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn

Captain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over.

Not guilty.

Also, it's not very nice to lie in court.

But it beats extradition.
-Petey & Captain Tagon

Hi. I'm here to enlist.

You can't. You aren't human.
You see, little fella, we don't do sociological stuff like "interspeciated workplaces." We're a crack company of space mercenaries. We do "hurting people" and "breaking things."

Sounds like my kind of fun.
-Schlock & Lieutenant Der Trihs

As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me.
-Captain Tagon

Maxim 36:
When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 6:
If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 4:
Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 16:
Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries