George Burns Quotes

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.