Garrison Keillor Quotes

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.

Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.-the people of Lake Woebegon

When in doubt, look intelligent.

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.

Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.

What would people think?'
Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats. Constant motion. That's why you have to look at the heart.
'Oh,' said Grandpa.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.

Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?

Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long view. Life is today and tomorrow, and if you are lucky, may be next week.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.

Don't worry about the past and don't try to figure out the future

The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.