I snatched up the cardboard cup, plastered my lips to the plastic sippy-lid and sucked down a scalding hot mouthful. It burned, but I didn’t give a damn. I held the cup to my chest as if it were my most special friend while feeling the instant affect the coffee had on my mood and I smiled. “Hello lover.
Funny, Coffee
Don’t do it gurl,” he said with a wink. “You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend’s husband’s dick now drop it.
Funny
I tore off another chuck of muffin and stared down at my chest. I shrugged and dabbed the muffin in the cum and popped it in my mouth. "I can't believe you just did that!" "Yeah," I snarled up my lip, "didn't quite think that one through all the way.
You win, you dirty evil butt-munch. I'll never not let you stay over again. Now let's go back to bed.
Instead of hearing the message he was trying to impress upon me and the impressionable queer ears hanging on his every word, all I could think was, I can't believe he just told them all how old I am.- Jason's reaction to Chad's speech
I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard!
Humor, Funny