Dorothy Parker Quotes

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this -
One of you is lying.

In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

If I had a shiny gun
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folks that cause me pains :)

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

I hate writing, I love having written.

There's life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.

Hold your pen and spare your voice.

I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.