Dark Jar Tin Zoo Quotes

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.


In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.


I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it.


We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.


I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).


I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.


I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.


Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.


I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.


We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.


Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.


Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.


I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.


I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!


We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.


I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.


I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.


To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.


I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop. 


If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.