Bauvard Quotes - Page 4

Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.

I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to great speeches, but then I turn on the TV and I’m in wonder at how good my candidate looks.

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.

I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.

I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.

I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.

Modern wife: A position thought to require great ambition to fill. After initially showing some skill at a maid service or department store, the husband takes her home to find that she has risen too high in the world to generalize that skill, which drives him to drink.

Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.

We live in one of the few epochs of humanity where life isn't just a painful cycle of toil, fatigue, and collapse. Now pleasure gyrates us through those stages.