Andy Rooney Quotes

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasn't based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isn't true.

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.