I wonder if it will rain after we die. When you kill yourself, you don't know what happens next, afterward.
One of the things that therapists do if you are suicidal, like a trick, is ask you about the future. They want to know what your plans are. Do you want to be the president? Do you want to be a rock star? They want to know if you want to live later even if you want to die now.
I can feel the hurt. There's something good about it. Mostly it makes me stop remembering.